I think a lot of people quietly expect a new city to create a new emotional state. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it just makes the existing feelings more visible because everything familiar disappears.
Some of the loneliest moments I’ve had while traveling happened in places that looked perfect from the outside. Beautiful cities don’t automatically create belonging.
It's like you are walking around in a bubble, part of the world but separate. Everything seems hard, everybody remote. It's so easy to feel that way in a big city where you are a stranger, by yourself. It's inescapable. But I also found that the experience in a new city helped drive me out... It was easier easier to find excuses to push out and find new things. It's part of the daily expat experience. You can be lonely in a lot of places. Better to be lonely in a cool place.
There is an intimacy in the writing and in the details that invites dialogue-this is my experience-have you (the reader) felt this way too? It reads like an affirmation, even as loneliness is experienced at this time, it is not permanent, it is passing and it is manageable. Well written engaging essay.
I’m in exactly the same weird ex baby-daddy situation in a remote mountain house in Mex. I feel you in the in-betweeness of everything. But I know we are going to get there ❤️
Ahhh I am so glad Substack connected us! I can imagine how isolating it might feel to be in a similar situation but even more so in a remote mountain location. Best of luck to you, to us, in this season. Yes, we are going to get there. <3
As someone who moved to Spain a couple of years ago I really relate to this piece! It can feel so crazy to just dive in headfirst, which a move like this pretty much forces you to do. And I can imagine being responsible for a child makes it all 100 times more intense💖 Still it sounds like you are building a really beautiful life here and I feel like you should be proud of that!
I know it may not seem like it , but I see a strength in you .not easy for sure ..Your writing is very good and you can make us feel your feelings of loneliness… Writing just might be what you need to push through the day to day process of just living .. I look forward to reading more of your thoughts!!
I’ve been living in Barcelona for 10 years. I still have different variations of loneliness. I’m happy I stumbled upon you. This resonated with me so much. I’ve had similar days, minus the children’s birthday parties, but at the dog park. My children are older and live in other parts of Europe now.
Hi Andrea! So nice to connect with another expat in Barcelona. :) Thank you for sharing your experience with loneliness. I don't imagine the feeling ever goes away entirely. Maybe it evolves into different variations like you said. Do you find some periods to be more challenging than others? (And so nice that your children are in Europe!)
Hi Asia- I find the holiday weekends a bit more challenging then others. When I see large families and friends out and sitting at large tables. I smile at it and enjoy seeing it, it’s joyful - but can sting a bit.
Asia, you are not alone in this feeling of loneliness in a new country (this was me a year ago, exacerbated by my a low back injury that kept me home and in pain my first 4 months here). AND you have a friend in me💗even if I won’t join you for that glass of wine (sorry 😀), I’m always here to listen. Moves abroad are complicated? even more so with a young child. So keep listening to and loving the child in you, who needs to get those feelings out, too. It’s what I tell my inner child all the time. I have faith you’ll find your way, with all of your beautiful qualities. 💗and were truer words ever spoken? I so relate to this!“Being inside my head is exhausting.”
Thank you, Amy <3 You have been the best friend and most wonderful connector since I've arrived in Barcelona. I appreciate you and cherish our friendship! Thank you for seeing me in this. Maybe we can chat more over a non-alcoholic vermouth 😂
I’ll be seeing you, soon! I miss you, and Luna, everyday. You’ll have to take me to the hippie boutique. I want to see Luna’s school, of course! I didn’t realize you’ve been feeling lonely. It will pass. I’m happy you’re so adventurous, and always trying out new places, making new friends, and enjoying life.✈️
Hugs!!! You’ve so beautiful captured such big emotions. And the mind, oh the mind… what an island it can make of oneself… feeling so very separate in your mind. I hope the weeks ahead bring you much comfort and joy ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for capturing this!!! I know this feeling so well - the calm after the storm of a new move, new city - the itch creeping in of “okay now what? Is this it?” I love all the detail of your writing, it’s stunning. Can’t wait to hopefully meet you in Barcelona in the fall!
Honestly, I'm not really sure. Learning about the enneagram has really helped me understand my patterns (as a 7) and that I will always fantasize about living somewhere else (lol as I write this from a quick trip to Mexico). This is also a learned protective mechanism that keeps me safe from being abandoned because I'm the one that's always leaving. What helps me is to acknowledge the feeling and then come back to choosing my present and holding the vision for what I want to build (more in person connection, community, loving relationship, presence for future children). It sounds like you're leaning on all of your tools, the deep friendships you've built, and i KNOW you're an amazing mom to your sweet girl!!! You're doing an amazing job acknowledging what is and coming back to yourself. <3
Ok this is very interesting and relatable! My best friend is really into enneagram, and she thinks I'm a 7. I like what you said about coming back to the present and holding the vision. Thank you <3
I think a lot of people quietly expect a new city to create a new emotional state. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it just makes the existing feelings more visible because everything familiar disappears.
Some of the loneliest moments I’ve had while traveling happened in places that looked perfect from the outside. Beautiful cities don’t automatically create belonging.
So true, Mats. It's interesting to see who we become and what's left once those familiar comforts disappear.
Beautiful piece ❤️
Thank you friend ☺️
It's like you are walking around in a bubble, part of the world but separate. Everything seems hard, everybody remote. It's so easy to feel that way in a big city where you are a stranger, by yourself. It's inescapable. But I also found that the experience in a new city helped drive me out... It was easier easier to find excuses to push out and find new things. It's part of the daily expat experience. You can be lonely in a lot of places. Better to be lonely in a cool place.
Barcelona definitely is a cool place. A wonderful city to pop the bubble.
You had me laughing so hard at your first paragraph!
😂 Being inside my head is wild!
There is an intimacy in the writing and in the details that invites dialogue-this is my experience-have you (the reader) felt this way too? It reads like an affirmation, even as loneliness is experienced at this time, it is not permanent, it is passing and it is manageable. Well written engaging essay.
Thank you, Gail🥹
As someone who has also lived in different countries, I can definitely relate to this. Good luck in Barcelona, such a cool city
Thank you, Tom. I appreciate it.
I’m in exactly the same weird ex baby-daddy situation in a remote mountain house in Mex. I feel you in the in-betweeness of everything. But I know we are going to get there ❤️
Ahhh I am so glad Substack connected us! I can imagine how isolating it might feel to be in a similar situation but even more so in a remote mountain location. Best of luck to you, to us, in this season. Yes, we are going to get there. <3
As someone who moved to Spain a couple of years ago I really relate to this piece! It can feel so crazy to just dive in headfirst, which a move like this pretty much forces you to do. And I can imagine being responsible for a child makes it all 100 times more intense💖 Still it sounds like you are building a really beautiful life here and I feel like you should be proud of that!
Hi Sky. Thank you so much for the encouragement!
I know it may not seem like it , but I see a strength in you .not easy for sure ..Your writing is very good and you can make us feel your feelings of loneliness… Writing just might be what you need to push through the day to day process of just living .. I look forward to reading more of your thoughts!!
Thank you so much, Shane.
Absolutely.. And thank you !!!🙏
I can relate to this as a new mom in a foreign country. ❤️ sending hugs
Thank you, Brenna. Sending hugs right back <3
I’ve been living in Barcelona for 10 years. I still have different variations of loneliness. I’m happy I stumbled upon you. This resonated with me so much. I’ve had similar days, minus the children’s birthday parties, but at the dog park. My children are older and live in other parts of Europe now.
Hi Andrea! So nice to connect with another expat in Barcelona. :) Thank you for sharing your experience with loneliness. I don't imagine the feeling ever goes away entirely. Maybe it evolves into different variations like you said. Do you find some periods to be more challenging than others? (And so nice that your children are in Europe!)
Hi Asia- I find the holiday weekends a bit more challenging then others. When I see large families and friends out and sitting at large tables. I smile at it and enjoy seeing it, it’s joyful - but can sting a bit.
Ohhh yes I know that feeling. I can see that.
Asia, you are not alone in this feeling of loneliness in a new country (this was me a year ago, exacerbated by my a low back injury that kept me home and in pain my first 4 months here). AND you have a friend in me💗even if I won’t join you for that glass of wine (sorry 😀), I’m always here to listen. Moves abroad are complicated? even more so with a young child. So keep listening to and loving the child in you, who needs to get those feelings out, too. It’s what I tell my inner child all the time. I have faith you’ll find your way, with all of your beautiful qualities. 💗and were truer words ever spoken? I so relate to this!“Being inside my head is exhausting.”
Thank you, Amy <3 You have been the best friend and most wonderful connector since I've arrived in Barcelona. I appreciate you and cherish our friendship! Thank you for seeing me in this. Maybe we can chat more over a non-alcoholic vermouth 😂
I’ll be seeing you, soon! I miss you, and Luna, everyday. You’ll have to take me to the hippie boutique. I want to see Luna’s school, of course! I didn’t realize you’ve been feeling lonely. It will pass. I’m happy you’re so adventurous, and always trying out new places, making new friends, and enjoying life.✈️
Thanks, mom. <3 We're sooooo excited to have you here soon!! Cannot wait! Get ready for the full tour😂
Hugs!!! You’ve so beautiful captured such big emotions. And the mind, oh the mind… what an island it can make of oneself… feeling so very separate in your mind. I hope the weeks ahead bring you much comfort and joy ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Megan. <3 I am working to get this mind in check!!
Thank you for capturing this!!! I know this feeling so well - the calm after the storm of a new move, new city - the itch creeping in of “okay now what? Is this it?” I love all the detail of your writing, it’s stunning. Can’t wait to hopefully meet you in Barcelona in the fall!
Thank you so much, Kris! It would be so great to connect in real life. And I wonder…do these thoughts ever go away?
Honestly, I'm not really sure. Learning about the enneagram has really helped me understand my patterns (as a 7) and that I will always fantasize about living somewhere else (lol as I write this from a quick trip to Mexico). This is also a learned protective mechanism that keeps me safe from being abandoned because I'm the one that's always leaving. What helps me is to acknowledge the feeling and then come back to choosing my present and holding the vision for what I want to build (more in person connection, community, loving relationship, presence for future children). It sounds like you're leaning on all of your tools, the deep friendships you've built, and i KNOW you're an amazing mom to your sweet girl!!! You're doing an amazing job acknowledging what is and coming back to yourself. <3
Ok this is very interesting and relatable! My best friend is really into enneagram, and she thinks I'm a 7. I like what you said about coming back to the present and holding the vision. Thank you <3