The big move

When a transition feels both exciting and terrifying at the same time

Omg it is happening.

It is actually happening!

Luna and I fly to Italy TOMORROW. TO LIVE.

I am in a sheer state of panic and planning and questioning my entire life as I know it.

Even after writing about it, talking to my therapist(s) about it, and thinking nonstop about it, I still do not feel quite prepared for what’s next: a move to another continent.

Yes, I have lived in Italy before. Yes, I have been there multiple times since. But these facts don’t take away the feeling of being uprooted (again) and having to figure things out (again). I was feeling pretty settled in San Diego, even though I knew it was temporary. My friends are sad to see me go because they’ve gotten used to me sticking around as well. Six months is a long stint in my world! I didn’t even know if I’d be around for my birthday, and that was back in September.

I normally get soooo excited each time I fly back to one of my absolutely favorite places in the world. I get caught up in fantasy and romance the hell out of Italy. (I feel bad saying hell when I will be in such close proximity to the Pope, and also, I am not Catholic so I believe I get a pass.)

Dinner in Rome at one of my favorite low-key spots, across the street from where I used to live

This time, however, I am filled with more nerves than excitement. Does it mean I’m making the “wrong” decision? I don’t believe in wrong decisions, but even if I did, I would say no. I believe I can chalk these nerves up to fearing a sense of permanence. A feeling that real, sustainable change is juuuuuust around the corner, and if I keep moving forward, I can almost feel myself in a home that is, well, mine.

It’s both exciting and terrifying at the same time. Both can be true and that’s OK.

Most of my moves to other countries have happened with one-way tickets and no lease waiting for me. I like to feel my way into things first, explore, and take my time. The same can be said for this move. There’s no return date and there’s also no contract...for now. I’m staying somewhere where I can be flexible and allow things to be fluid.

So yes, this IS a big deal because this is my life. And also, I can always pivot. Nothing is set in stone.

There is so much more to unpack on what prompted this decision, but that’s for another post. This one needs to be quick as I am a notoriously last minute packer and I still don’t have one item of clothing in a suitcase!

The word I selected for 2025 was ‘home’. Even though I feel like a nervous wreck right now, I know this is a step closer towards my deepest desire and intention for this year and beyond.

It’s time for another shot of espresso (un caffè) before getting back to packing. The next time you hear from me, I’ll be in Italia!

Ps. I just smiled while writing that. :)

A sunset in San Diego, where I’ve been based for the past six months